Arnold (1973) - Movie Review

"It is quite illegal to marry a corpse."

Arnold was released at some point in 1973, of that I am certain. As I begin writing this particular blog entry, I have just reached June 3rd on my day-to-day combing through of either the San Francisco Examiner or the Oakland Tribune, over at newspapers.com, and have yet to see an ad for the film. This suggests I was probably all of six years-old when the film was released at theaters and drive-ins near me.

Which explains my vivid memory of seeing a commercial for the film on television and thinking it looked utterly terrifying. People were shown to be dying horribly! There was a painting with a creepy eyeball peering through it! This was sure to be the stuff of nightmares and I said as much to my mother.

"No, it's a comedy," was her reply. I could and would not believe her. How could something so ghastly and terrifying looking be considered funny.

Prior to my impulse purchase of Vinegar Syndrome's Arnold blu-ray at the 2024 Monsterpalooza in Pasadena, I believe I had seen Arnold all of one time. It had been released on home video at some point in the very late 1980's or very early 1990's and I leapt at the chance to see the actual movie.

The memory I have of that experience is of being shocked by how much it looked and felt like a cheap made-for-television movie. With the exception of what looked to have been a single day of exterior shots done at the famed Mt. Kalmia Castle, everything else was on a soundstage. Including the mist-draped cemetery, where almost every character in the film gets buried.

Considering that director Georg Fenady, with exception of a film that was shot back-to-back with Arnold, was a journeyman director of episodic television, it comes as no surprise to me now that most of Arnold does look and feel like a competent made-for-television movie.

While there was some comedic mugging for the camera, most of the performances and antics did not come across to me as all that goofy or over-the-top. While no one is playing it all that straight, they are not going full on Mel Brooks, either.

The character of Arnold was played by two men. Norman Stuart got the thankless job of laying in an open casket and staying still as possible. I do find it interesting, perhaps even amusing, that Arnold's eyes are closed on the poster, but remain open in the film.

Because Arnold's corpse is played by a living person, I could not keep myself from studiously looking for any and all signs of life in the dearly departed. There are a couple, of course. Arnold's face twitches just a bit during the funeral-wedding at the start and there were a couple instances where the corpse can be seen breathing. So it goes.

Arnold's voice was supplied by the British actor Murray Matheson, who played Mr. Agee in Steven Spielberg's Kick the Can segment of Twilight Zone: The Movie, as well as the antiquities dealer Mr. Lane-Marriot in the Kolchak: The Night Stalker episode Horror in the Heights.

Most of the characters are dispatched in inventive, gruesome, and much deserved ways. Yet, as the cast shrinks, so does the energy level. Despite all of Arnold's meticulous planning, and the detailed character introductions he gives at the reciting of his last will and testament, none of the characters are ever fleshed out in an interesting or amusing manner.

The worst example of this is the criminal underuse of Jame Farr as the hook-handed, eye-patch wearing, and mute character Dybbi. The poor man is quite literally given nothing to do or work with. He just walks around the various sets, glares and mugs for a few scant close ups, and then is dispatched in what can be described as the most lackluster kill in the movie.

Really? That is all they could do with him?

I must give props to a terrific nightmare sequence, though. Newlywed Karen (Stella Stephens) witness Arnold's victims suffer their gruesome fates, while being chased by her reanimated husband. It is a suitably surreal and creepy moment.

With the exception of Bernard Fox's innocent and incompetent Constable Hook, there are not many sympathetic or, truth be told, interesting characters in this film. While I did like certain elements and moments of Arnold, I cannot say I was satisfied with it as a whole.

Yet I am not the slightest bit sorry about having bought it. Make of that whatever you will.